When it comes to food, my answer is generally..."Yes, please!" And although I don't think I'm a picky eater, I do have a few "rules" in which I live by when it comes to the food that goes into mah belleh.
Rule #1 - Under no circumstances shall my food EVER touch any of the other food on my plate. There is really no exception to this rule. If I could have every single meal for the rest of my life served in compartmental trays/plates...I would. Seeing my plate piled high on Thanksgiving makes me physically ill. If ever my food does touch, all the areas that are touching never get eaten. Shephards Pie would be my "food nemesis".
Rule #2 - No vegetables or beans. Period. There are VERY FEW exceptions to this rule. I will eat broccolini, but not broccoli. And even then I like the stems but not the bushy floret part. *ick* I ADORE potatoes and would eat them every day.
Rule #3 - No sauces/gravies on my food. I would never put gravy on my meat or potatoes. The ONLY sauce I will put up with is on my pasta.
Rule #4 - No condiments. Ever. And when I say condiments, I mean ALL condiments. No ketchup, no mustard, no steak sauce, no BBQ sauce. The ONLY one I will have on occasion is mayo and/or tartar sauce. And only a few times a year.
**Random food "no-no" - I HATE hotdogs except for 1-2 times a year when I crave one and have to have one...but ONLY a red dog. **
Friday, December 18, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
I've Seen Some Weird Shit at My Jobs...
I've had a few different jobs in my lifetime thus far. Here's a list of some of my weirdest "on the job" stories. These are all true and really happened...scouts honor! (because quite frankly, I couldn't make some of this shit up!)
My very first job ever while in high school was at a local grocery store. My various jobs there included bagging groceries, working bottle redemption, collecting carts and whatever other disgusting, lame thing they could think up (except cleaning the restrooms...I told them that was NOT in my job description do I got out of it). Here's a few things that happened:
* A fellow employee (a gross old lady with a horrific dyed jet-black afro) was actually caught turning tricks in the parking lot when she was supposed to be collecting grocery carts. She was a prostitute!!
* I saw a customer urinate in the public water fountain! (Ewwww)
* A guy tried to return a bunch of beer bottles that had been sitting around his apartment for a loooong time. I reached in teh bad and took out a Corona bottle that had a mouse in it. It apparently crawled in, couldn't get out & died. (again...ewwww)
* From time to time, people will open a bag of chips and snack on it while shopping and pay for it after. One customer thought it was perfectly ok to do this with a bottle of Jack Daniels. Store security did NOT feel the same way.
* I once caught 2 kids stuffing packages of meat down their pants, as well as shampoo (?!?)
* I bagged the groceries of a very large woman who apparently was having a major snack attack and could not wait to at least get out to the car. She grabbed a container of yogurt from her bag (hey, at least it was a healthy snack), took the cover off and proceeded to stick her index & middle fingers in and use them like a spoon. (double ewwwww)
* I saw parent who were not paying attention to their kid who was standing on his blanket in the carriage. Father goes to grab the blanket and kid tumbles right outta grocery cart onto floor and cracks head open...blood everywhere. Father then yells at kid for falling. When I suggested he let us call 911, he said it was just a scratch. (kid needed stitches fo' sho')
I also worked in a City Clerk's Office, where part of my job was assisting the elderly in nursing homes complete absentee voting. Here's a few gems from those days:
* After reading a ballot question to an elderly woman, she hesitated for the longest time, then looked at me, smiled and said..."I'm naked under my kimona". (she was wearing a housecoat) Not really knowing what to say, but seeing the long line of residents that still needed to vote, I said the first thing that came to mind.. "That's ok, you can still vote".
* Another resident told me she decided not to vote that day because she wanted to go with her father on election day. Now, this woman was in her 90's and her father had looong since been deceased and, I'm pretty sure wasn't gonna show up to vote.
* And I always love the people that tell me, "well, whatever you think dear, you can vote whatever you want on that one." (Uh..sorry...that's not how it works. I can't do that, ma'am.)
And I also worked at a Pharmacy that had a lot of regular customers come in.
* My brothers friends would always come in & try to buy chewing tobacco forgetting that I worked there and knew they weren't old enough. Then they'd get to the counter, see me, then turn around and put it back on the shelf.
* I loved the little kids that would come in, lay a bunch of change on teh counter and ask me "what can I get for this many?". I'd always kick in some of my own money without them realizing so they thought they could afford something awesome!
* There was this husky, manly-man with greasy hands that used to come in about once a month and buy a ton of maxipads -- the "super heavy" kind. I always wondered why. I wanted to ask him so badly.
* I used to answer the phone and say the wrong business name all the time because I had 2 p/t jobs and would go from one to the other sometimes. I would answer and say " can I help you?" and they would say, "oh, I thought I called " and I'd say, "Oh, wait, you did...sorry".
I also worked at a travel company that dealt specifically with European travel (got tons of free trips to Europe...woot!!)
* I once had to call a travel agent to get a new credit card # for a client whose card had declined. His last name was spelled "Penises". Umm, how would YOU pronounce that? So, everytime I called, I pronounced it a different way...any way except "THAT" way. And the travel agent never corrected me.
* I was once in Italy on business and 2 guys from one of our European affiliates were driving me around. When I commented as we passed by a wall of Julius Caesar statues, I said "Look at all those Caesars". They both freaked out and turned to look. Apparently the word Caesar means "breast" in Italian...who knew? (Note: when referring to Caesar as in Julius, its pronounced more like "Chesare")
My very first job ever while in high school was at a local grocery store. My various jobs there included bagging groceries, working bottle redemption, collecting carts and whatever other disgusting, lame thing they could think up (except cleaning the restrooms...I told them that was NOT in my job description do I got out of it). Here's a few things that happened:
* A fellow employee (a gross old lady with a horrific dyed jet-black afro) was actually caught turning tricks in the parking lot when she was supposed to be collecting grocery carts. She was a prostitute!!
* I saw a customer urinate in the public water fountain! (Ewwww)
* A guy tried to return a bunch of beer bottles that had been sitting around his apartment for a loooong time. I reached in teh bad and took out a Corona bottle that had a mouse in it. It apparently crawled in, couldn't get out & died. (again...ewwww)
* From time to time, people will open a bag of chips and snack on it while shopping and pay for it after. One customer thought it was perfectly ok to do this with a bottle of Jack Daniels. Store security did NOT feel the same way.
* I once caught 2 kids stuffing packages of meat down their pants, as well as shampoo (?!?)
* I bagged the groceries of a very large woman who apparently was having a major snack attack and could not wait to at least get out to the car. She grabbed a container of yogurt from her bag (hey, at least it was a healthy snack), took the cover off and proceeded to stick her index & middle fingers in and use them like a spoon. (double ewwwww)
* I saw parent who were not paying attention to their kid who was standing on his blanket in the carriage. Father goes to grab the blanket and kid tumbles right outta grocery cart onto floor and cracks head open...blood everywhere. Father then yells at kid for falling. When I suggested he let us call 911, he said it was just a scratch. (kid needed stitches fo' sho')
I also worked in a City Clerk's Office, where part of my job was assisting the elderly in nursing homes complete absentee voting. Here's a few gems from those days:
* After reading a ballot question to an elderly woman, she hesitated for the longest time, then looked at me, smiled and said..."I'm naked under my kimona". (she was wearing a housecoat) Not really knowing what to say, but seeing the long line of residents that still needed to vote, I said the first thing that came to mind.. "That's ok, you can still vote".
* Another resident told me she decided not to vote that day because she wanted to go with her father on election day. Now, this woman was in her 90's and her father had looong since been deceased and, I'm pretty sure wasn't gonna show up to vote.
* And I always love the people that tell me, "well, whatever you think dear, you can vote whatever you want on that one." (Uh..sorry...that's not how it works. I can't do that, ma'am.)
And I also worked at a Pharmacy that had a lot of regular customers come in.
* My brothers friends would always come in & try to buy chewing tobacco forgetting that I worked there and knew they weren't old enough. Then they'd get to the counter, see me, then turn around and put it back on the shelf.
* I loved the little kids that would come in, lay a bunch of change on teh counter and ask me "what can I get for this many?". I'd always kick in some of my own money without them realizing so they thought they could afford something awesome!
* There was this husky, manly-man with greasy hands that used to come in about once a month and buy a ton of maxipads -- the "super heavy" kind. I always wondered why. I wanted to ask him so badly.
* I used to answer the phone and say the wrong business name all the time because I had 2 p/t jobs and would go from one to the other sometimes. I would answer and say "
I also worked at a travel company that dealt specifically with European travel (got tons of free trips to Europe...woot!!)
* I once had to call a travel agent to get a new credit card # for a client whose card had declined. His last name was spelled "Penises". Umm, how would YOU pronounce that? So, everytime I called, I pronounced it a different way...any way except "THAT" way. And the travel agent never corrected me.
* I was once in Italy on business and 2 guys from one of our European affiliates were driving me around. When I commented as we passed by a wall of Julius Caesar statues, I said "Look at all those Caesars". They both freaked out and turned to look. Apparently the word Caesar means "breast" in Italian...who knew? (Note: when referring to Caesar as in Julius, its pronounced more like "Chesare")
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Things that make me smile...or not.
These are things that make me smile...
All things Twilight * Motley Crue * Caramel frappucinos * Funerals (I have an obsession with death)* the color green * midori sours * tattoos * the smell of woodstoves * pie crust (not the pie) * sour pickles * CHEESE * Horror Movies * BACON * a firm mattress w/fresh, crisp sheets * Halloween * black & white Alfred Hitchcock movies * 80's music * My BlackBerry * dinner for breakfast * frozen Kit Kats * Red Sox *
These are things that make me frown...
*squirrels * birds * chick flicks * country music * El Caminos/Rancheros (I once broke up w/a guy when I found out he owned one) * almost all vegetables especially beans * coffee * breakfast foods * all nuts except peanuts * ketchup (and all condiments, really) * hotdogs (except about once a year when I crave a red hot dog) *
All things Twilight * Motley Crue * Caramel frappucinos * Funerals (I have an obsession with death)* the color green * midori sours * tattoos * the smell of woodstoves * pie crust (not the pie) * sour pickles * CHEESE * Horror Movies * BACON * a firm mattress w/fresh, crisp sheets * Halloween * black & white Alfred Hitchcock movies * 80's music * My BlackBerry * dinner for breakfast * frozen Kit Kats * Red Sox *
These are things that make me frown...
*squirrels * birds * chick flicks * country music * El Caminos/Rancheros (I once broke up w/a guy when I found out he owned one) * almost all vegetables especially beans * coffee * breakfast foods * all nuts except peanuts * ketchup (and all condiments, really) * hotdogs (except about once a year when I crave a red hot dog) *
Saturday, September 26, 2009
What I Listen To
People ask me all the time what songs and bands I listen to. I've been asked by friends to make them mixed cds of stuff from my mp3 player. Truth is, I have pretty varied musical taste. So I'm gonna just list a bunch of songs that come up on my mp3 player when put on random shuffle.
Human Nature - Michael Jackson
Better man - Pearl Jam
Don't Look Back in Anger - Oasis
18 Wheeler - Pink
Wild Flower - The Cult
Knock Me Down - Red Hot Chili Peppers
Generator - Foo Fighters
Too Fast For Love - Motley Crue
Sister Christian - Night Ranger
No One Knows - Queens of the Stone Age
Volcano Girls - Veruca Salt
Bound For the Floor - Local H
Trouble - Ray Lamontagne
Last of the English Roses - Pete Doherty
1999 - Prince
Bittersweet - Big Head Todd & the Monsters
Tick Tick Boom - The Hives
Last Night - The Strokes
Time is Running Out - Muse
Tomorrow - Silverchair
Time for Heroes - The Libertines
Rock Me - Great White
Help, I'm Alive - Metric
All I Know - Screaming Trees
Teenage Dirtbag - Wheatus
The Saints Are Coming - The Skids
The Way it Is - Tesla
A Thousand Trees - Stereophonics
Pretty in Pink - Psychedelic Furs
Ragoo - Kings of Leon
Laid - James
We Used to Be Friends - The Dandy Warhols
Busted in Baylor County - Shooter Jennings
Human Nature - Michael Jackson
Better man - Pearl Jam
Don't Look Back in Anger - Oasis
18 Wheeler - Pink
Wild Flower - The Cult
Knock Me Down - Red Hot Chili Peppers
Generator - Foo Fighters
Too Fast For Love - Motley Crue
Sister Christian - Night Ranger
No One Knows - Queens of the Stone Age
Volcano Girls - Veruca Salt
Bound For the Floor - Local H
Trouble - Ray Lamontagne
Last of the English Roses - Pete Doherty
1999 - Prince
Bittersweet - Big Head Todd & the Monsters
Tick Tick Boom - The Hives
Last Night - The Strokes
Time is Running Out - Muse
Tomorrow - Silverchair
Time for Heroes - The Libertines
Rock Me - Great White
Help, I'm Alive - Metric
All I Know - Screaming Trees
Teenage Dirtbag - Wheatus
The Saints Are Coming - The Skids
The Way it Is - Tesla
A Thousand Trees - Stereophonics
Pretty in Pink - Psychedelic Furs
Ragoo - Kings of Leon
Laid - James
We Used to Be Friends - The Dandy Warhols
Busted in Baylor County - Shooter Jennings
Sunday, September 20, 2009
More stupid & random facts about me...
1) My right pinky is permanently bent from being broken so many times.
2) My eyes change color depending on if I'm wearing my glasses or not.
3) I recently bumped into a jewelry display at a store and said "excuse me" thinking it was a person until I looked up. About 6 people saw me.
4) Halloween is my favorite holiday...I go all out! I won a costume contest dressed as a box of tampons (homemade costume, of course).
5) I suffer from insomnia.
6) I have 2 tattoos and have plans for 2 more soon.
7) I have 7 (earring) holes in my ears.
8) My favorite flower is the iris.
9) My vehicle is a Jeep Grand Cherokee. This is the 5th one I've owned. I love them.
10) the first concert I ever went to was Bryan Adams.
11) My first album I ever bought was Kiss - Dynasty
12) I have been to all the states on teh East coast and many European countries...but never to the US West coast.
2) My eyes change color depending on if I'm wearing my glasses or not.
3) I recently bumped into a jewelry display at a store and said "excuse me" thinking it was a person until I looked up. About 6 people saw me.
4) Halloween is my favorite holiday...I go all out! I won a costume contest dressed as a box of tampons (homemade costume, of course).
5) I suffer from insomnia.
6) I have 2 tattoos and have plans for 2 more soon.
7) I have 7 (earring) holes in my ears.
8) My favorite flower is the iris.
9) My vehicle is a Jeep Grand Cherokee. This is the 5th one I've owned. I love them.
10) the first concert I ever went to was Bryan Adams.
11) My first album I ever bought was Kiss - Dynasty
12) I have been to all the states on teh East coast and many European countries...but never to the US West coast.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Misunderstood Song Lyrics
We've all experienced singing along to a song only to be corrected by someone else as to the *actual* lyrics. Oopsie!! As embarrassing as it is...here are a few of my "innocent" misunderstandings. (thanks to my "bud" who gave me the idea for this blog *winks*)
1) Tiny Dancer by Elton John: actual lyric - "Hold me close now Tiny Dancer. (my version - "Hold me close now Tony Danza")
2) Pour Some Sugar On Me by Def Leppard: actual lyric - "You got the peaches, I got the cream." (my version - "You got the bitches, I got the weed")
3) Say, Say, Say by Michael Jackson & Paul McCartney: actual lyric - "Say, Say, Say, what you want. But don't leave me w/no direction" (my version - "Say, Say, Say what you want. But don't leave me with no erection.")
4) Benny & the Jets by Elton John: actual lyric - "She's got electric boots, and mohair suit (My version - "She's got electric boobs, and no hair, too")
5) Losing My Religion by REM: actual lyric - "That's me in the corner, that's me in the spotlight..." (my version: "That's pee in the corner, that's pee in the spotlight...")
6) Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye: actual lyric - "I can't wait for you to operate." (my version - "I can't wait for you to ovulate.")
7) Get Back by the Beatles: actual lyric - "Jo Jo was a man who thought he was a loner." (my version - "Jo Jo was a man before he was a woman.")
8) Suffragate City by David Bowie: actual lyric - "This mellow-thighed chick just put my spine out of place." (my version - "This smelly fat chick just put a smile on my face.")
**** Wow, I am LAME!!****
1) Tiny Dancer by Elton John: actual lyric - "Hold me close now Tiny Dancer. (my version - "Hold me close now Tony Danza")
2) Pour Some Sugar On Me by Def Leppard: actual lyric - "You got the peaches, I got the cream." (my version - "You got the bitches, I got the weed")
3) Say, Say, Say by Michael Jackson & Paul McCartney: actual lyric - "Say, Say, Say, what you want. But don't leave me w/no direction" (my version - "Say, Say, Say what you want. But don't leave me with no erection.")
4) Benny & the Jets by Elton John: actual lyric - "She's got electric boots, and mohair suit (My version - "She's got electric boobs, and no hair, too")
5) Losing My Religion by REM: actual lyric - "That's me in the corner, that's me in the spotlight..." (my version: "That's pee in the corner, that's pee in the spotlight...")
6) Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye: actual lyric - "I can't wait for you to operate." (my version - "I can't wait for you to ovulate.")
7) Get Back by the Beatles: actual lyric - "Jo Jo was a man who thought he was a loner." (my version - "Jo Jo was a man before he was a woman.")
8) Suffragate City by David Bowie: actual lyric - "This mellow-thighed chick just put my spine out of place." (my version - "This smelly fat chick just put a smile on my face.")
**** Wow, I am LAME!!****
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
11 things (about me)
1) I cannot drive a stick shift. If my life utterly depended on it to flee a serial killer, I would die a horrid death for sure. It would not end well.
2) I have vertigo. That does not mean I am afraid of heights (I am not).
3) I do a dead-on impersonation of the Mayor of Munchkin City from the Wizard of Oz. (It is a huge hit at parties & with small children.)
4) Because I dated (and later married) a drummer, I can set up & tear down a drum kit like it was my job!
5) I straighten my hair. It is naturally curly. Like, really curly. As in corkscrew curly. (hate.it.)
6) In my early teens, while playing hide & seek, I hid on the garage roof and fell off into a trash can and cut my leg open.
7) In college I used to set my alarm to get up to watch old Partridge Family reruns, then I'd go back to sleep. (LOVED Keith Partridge)
8) I have split my head open twice, broken 9 fingers and had 3 blackeyes in my life.
9) At one time I was one of the top fast-pitch softball pitchers in the State of Maine.
10) I have a head for useless info specifically pop-culture oriented. People call me at all hours for random answers and to "settle bets" (including my parents & siblings).
11) One of my prized possessions is my Alfred Hitchcock pop-up book. (I love all things horror & occult).
*** why does this list not stop at just 10? "Because this one goes to 11"***
(please tell me SOMEONE is a fan of Spinal Tap and got that joke!!??)
2) I have vertigo. That does not mean I am afraid of heights (I am not).
3) I do a dead-on impersonation of the Mayor of Munchkin City from the Wizard of Oz. (It is a huge hit at parties & with small children.)
4) Because I dated (and later married) a drummer, I can set up & tear down a drum kit like it was my job!
5) I straighten my hair. It is naturally curly. Like, really curly. As in corkscrew curly. (hate.it.)
6) In my early teens, while playing hide & seek, I hid on the garage roof and fell off into a trash can and cut my leg open.
7) In college I used to set my alarm to get up to watch old Partridge Family reruns, then I'd go back to sleep. (LOVED Keith Partridge)
8) I have split my head open twice, broken 9 fingers and had 3 blackeyes in my life.
9) At one time I was one of the top fast-pitch softball pitchers in the State of Maine.
10) I have a head for useless info specifically pop-culture oriented. People call me at all hours for random answers and to "settle bets" (including my parents & siblings).
11) One of my prized possessions is my Alfred Hitchcock pop-up book. (I love all things horror & occult).
*** why does this list not stop at just 10? "Because this one goes to 11"***
(please tell me SOMEONE is a fan of Spinal Tap and got that joke!!??)
Monday, May 25, 2009
Those who shall not be named (aka squirrels)
My utter hatred for squirrels began around age 11-12, when my class went on a fieldtrip to the Boston Museum of Science. There was a display of dead & stuffed animals and after only one glance up - I was scarred for life. A freaking flying squirrel. A FLYING squirrel!?! It looked like grandma's quilt had sprouted hands, feet & a head and was ready to swoop down and get all tangled up in my freaking hair! (I have always had "hair issues", that's another blog all together). It is one of the most unnatural looking things you have ever seen (I mean, LOOK at that freaking picture!!) ::shudders::
So, fast-forward about 12+ years and hubs & I are renting a house and we put a badminton net in the backyard. The damn mofo squirrels start hucking acorns down at me. Not hubs...just ME! WTH!?!? At this point I am feeling like there is a little squirrel post office or headquarters somewhere where my picture is hanging up like a "Wanted" poster. All the squirrels are in on it and I am "Public Enemy #1".
A friend comes to visit us at the house we were renting and decides it would be funny to feed peanuts to the squirrels. The little f*#kers were coming right up onto my deck! It got to the point where I could no longer go in my backyard, so I did the only logical thing I could do...I moved. Told hubs we had to leave so we bought another house. For real.
The only time I don't mind the little flying rodents is when I see them "sleeping" peacefully in the middle of the road, just napping away all quiet and still. ::evil grin::
Blog el numero uno
So I blame this on Sarah aka Sasa aka my "twitter bff". (Please follow her blog she is mad funny: http://sasaphotobloggings.blogspot.com/)
Today I am grumpy because I have a cold. And if I am not happy...NOBODY else can be happy. I'm sorry, it's not my rules, it's just the way it is. Get used to it.
Today I am grumpy because I have a cold. And if I am not happy...NOBODY else can be happy. I'm sorry, it's not my rules, it's just the way it is. Get used to it.
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