Misunderstood Song Lyrics

We've all experienced singing along to a song only to be corrected by someone else as to the *actual* lyrics. Oopsie!! As embarrassing as it is...here are a few of my "innocent" misunderstandings. (thanks to my "bud" who gave me the idea for this blog *winks*)

1) Tiny Dancer by Elton John: actual lyric - "Hold me close now Tiny Dancer. (my version - "Hold me close now Tony Danza")

2) Pour Some Sugar On Me by Def Leppard: actual lyric - "You got the peaches, I got the cream." (my version - "You got the bitches, I got the weed")

3) Say, Say, Say by Michael Jackson & Paul McCartney: actual lyric - "Say, Say, Say, what you want. But don't leave me w/no direction" (my version - "Say, Say, Say what you want. But don't leave me with no erection.")

4) Benny & the Jets by Elton John: actual lyric - "She's got electric boots, and mohair suit (My version - "She's got electric boobs, and no hair, too")

5) Losing My Religion by REM: actual lyric - "That's me in the corner, that's me in the spotlight..." (my version: "That's pee in the corner, that's pee in the spotlight...")

6) Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye: actual lyric - "I can't wait for you to operate." (my version - "I can't wait for you to ovulate.")

7) Get Back by the Beatles: actual lyric - "Jo Jo was a man who thought he was a loner." (my version - "Jo Jo was a man before he was a woman.")

8) Suffragate City by David Bowie: actual lyric - "This mellow-thighed chick just put my spine out of place." (my version - "This smelly fat chick just put a smile on my face.")

**** Wow, I am LAME!!****

11 things (about me)

1) I cannot drive a stick shift. If my life utterly depended on it to flee a serial killer, I would die a horrid death for sure. It would not end well.

2) I have vertigo. That does not mean I am afraid of heights (I am not).

3) I do a dead-on impersonation of the Mayor of Munchkin City from the Wizard of Oz. (It is a huge hit at parties & with small children.)

4) Because I dated (and later married) a drummer, I can set up & tear down a drum kit like it was my job!

5) I straighten my hair. It is naturally curly. Like, really curly. As in corkscrew curly. (hate.it.)

6) In my early teens, while playing hide & seek, I hid on the garage roof and fell off into a trash can and cut my leg open.

7) In college I used to set my alarm to get up to watch old Partridge Family reruns, then I'd go back to sleep. (LOVED Keith Partridge)

8) I have split my head open twice, broken 9 fingers and had 3 blackeyes in my life.

9) At one time I was one of the top fast-pitch softball pitchers in the State of Maine.

10) I have a head for useless info specifically pop-culture oriented. People call me at all hours for random answers and to "settle bets" (including my parents & siblings).

11) One of my prized possessions is my Alfred Hitchcock pop-up book. (I love all things horror & occult).

*** why does this list not stop at just 10? "Because this one goes to 11"***
(please tell me SOMEONE is a fan of Spinal Tap and got that joke!!??)

Those who shall not be named (aka squirrels)

My utter hatred for squirrels began around age 11-12, when my class went on a fieldtrip to the Boston Museum of Science. There was a display of dead & stuffed animals and after only one glance up - I was scarred for life. A freaking flying squirrel. A FLYING squirrel!?! It looked like grandma's quilt had sprouted hands, feet & a head and was ready to swoop down and get all tangled up in my freaking hair! (I have always had "hair issues", that's another blog all together). It is one of the most unnatural looking things you have ever seen (I mean, LOOK at that freaking picture!!) ::shudders::

So, fast-forward about 12+ years and hubs & I are renting a house and we put a badminton net in the backyard. The damn mofo squirrels start hucking acorns down at me. Not hubs...just ME! WTH!?!? At this point I am feeling like there is a little squirrel post office or headquarters somewhere where my picture is hanging up like a "Wanted" poster. All the squirrels are in on it and I am "Public Enemy #1".

A friend comes to visit us at the house we were renting and decides it would be funny to feed peanuts to the squirrels. The little f*#kers were coming right up onto my deck! It got to the point where I could no longer go in my backyard, so I did the only logical thing I could do...I moved. Told hubs we had to leave so we bought another house. For real.

The only time I don't mind the little flying rodents is when I see them "sleeping" peacefully in the middle of the road, just napping away all quiet and still. ::evil grin::

Blog el numero uno

So I blame this on Sarah aka Sasa aka my "twitter bff". (Please follow her blog she is mad funny: http://sasaphotobloggings.blogspot.com/)

Today I am grumpy because I have a cold. And if I am not happy...NOBODY else can be happy. I'm sorry, it's not my rules, it's just the way it is. Get used to it.