For All The Boys I've Loved Before...

Clearly I watch too much TV. I don't actually think its a bad thing. I've learned a lot of random things from TV. For example, there was a little Peruvian boy that was basically born "pregnant" with his twin! Crazy shit, right? But as a young, impressionable girl, all my first crushes were from the cute boys I saw every week on TV. *sigh* Below are a few of my most memorable ones.

Bo Duke (Dukes of Hazzard): Oh, this country boy had it going on! And I oddly didn't mind that he wore the EXACT same clothes every week. I mean, if he asked, I'd have done his laundry. Now, my sister preferred Luke Duke. Ok, he had a better name, but I was blond and so was Bo. My sister was brunette and so was Luke. It was perfect, right?! Plus, we didnt have to fight over them.

Matt Dillon & Ralph Macchio (The Outsiders): I clumped these 2 together because this is one of the BEST movies of all time. And, they were both in it and that's how I was introduced to them. This was early in both of their careers and they were hotttt! Dirty, street hoods. I loved Ralph in this MUCH better than those silly Karate Kid movies (ok, I loved those too). And Matt Dillon's death scene is to die for. "Nooo, he's just a kid!!" Awww.. *sigh*

Duran Duran: I LOVED the band Duran Duran. I would have married all of the guys in the band, except Andy Taylor..eww. But no one liked him anyway. He was the blacksheep of the band. Not as fashionable or cute as the others. I didnt even mind that a few of them wore more makeup than me at the time. I kinda liked it, actually, from what I remember.

Billy Idol: I wanted to have little blond, spiky haired babies with him. That snarl...those lips...that vulgar language in his accent. Holy mother! Rebel Yell indeed, Billy. Rawr!

Ricky Schroeder (Silver Spoons): Who remembers this show? He was a rich kid living in a mansion with his dad. He had a freaking mini train that went around the house on a train track. Alfonso Ribiero was his best friend. Ricky was blond and cute and had dimples when he smiled...he was in ALL the Tiger Beat mags. I thought I might have had a chance with him. IF we met, and IF as older and IF I looked cuter and IF I was maybe an actress.

Kirk Cameron (Growing Pains): Mike Seaver. He was gorgeous and had the best smile. Killer dimples. Oh, and his best bud's name was Boner. He oozed cool. And no one could insult his sister like him. He had a mullet but boy could he pull it off. Now he's all churchy and preachy and not that cute. Oh well. Love is fleeting.

Keanu Reeves: He was in an indie flick called The River's Edge that was cool! And in his "Bill and Ted" days he was the shit! He could play "dumb" like a champ. I loved his jeans and untied "shit kicker"work boots. And he could give a vacant stare and say "Whoa" like no one else could.

Corey Haim: RIP Corey. Back in the days of "The 2 Corey's" this Corey had the edge! Cuter, funnier, better dresser. And again with the dimples. I must have had a thing for dimples then because now...not so much. When he was on top of his game, he was a good actor, too. Remember a little movie called Lucas? Anyway, he did drugs..drugs are bad..yada yada...you know how it ends. Too bad, at one time the kid had the world by the balls. Too bad he couldnt hang on. One thing I always wondered..why was he not in The Goonies?

My Bucket List - things to do before I kick the bucket

Everyone has a list, either on paper or in your head, of things you've always wanted to try before you die, no matter how normal or outrageous. I have a list. Some things I've been able to cross off and others I know I never will.

Here are a few of the things still left on my list, in no particular order.

1) Enter an Eating Contest: Specifically lobster. Now, I'm not an idiot, I know I'd never win. But its not about that. I've done research, I may be small but I've got a damn good appetite. I go to the store & buy 2lbs of lobster meat and I've got 1lb eaten before I even get home!

2) Have a Song Written About Me: The ultimate compliment. To be thought about so much by someone that you're worthy of having a song written about you..for better or worse...to be heard by all the world. In my case, I don't much care if its a love song or one about how I was the worst girlfriend that ever lived. Its the fact that someone thought about you that much that matters.

3) Be In a Music Video: I'm not looking to be the next Tawny Kitaen on the hood of a car in a Whitesnake video. Just a girl in a video. Nothing crazy. Sorry Snoop & Dre, no "sippin on gin & juice" for this girl (maybe long ago when I had the bod for it).

4) Be a Stuntwoman: I'm not looking to leap over buildings or be lit on fire. More like a body double that does a little less dangerous stunt work. I'm small but scrappy and will try anything 3 times.

5) Die in a B-Horror Movie: I love horror movies, but I'm intrigued by the not-so-good, low budget ones. The ones with a thin plot where the dumb girl gets chased, screams a lot and falls victim to the killer, dying a grizzly death and visions of obviously fake blood splatters across the room. I wanna be that girl. How cool would it be to die in a movie?

6) Be on Cash Cab: I love this show. No..I'm addicted to this show. I have a head full of otherwise useless info that is begging to be let loose. Pop culture and entertainment-related info are my specialties, but I'd love to see how I'd do on a game show.

7) Do Color Comentary for Red Sox: I know baseball. I'm pretty funny. Its a match made in heaven. At work I'm known as the "Queen of Red Sox Nation". Jerry Remy, look out. NESN...call me.

8) Get a Job with the Travel Channel: How did Samantha Brown get her job? That's what I want to do. I've traveled around Europe, I know stuff based on actual experience. I think I'd be fun to watch.

9) Work in a Funeral Home: Even for just a week. I feel like I got in the wrong profession. I should have been a Mortician or a Medical Examiner. I don't mind oogy things and I'm extremely curious. I've even considered donating my body to science when I die.

10) Travel to CA: I've traveled up & down the east coast, to Canada and around Europe, but I want to check out more of the US. So why not start with the complete opposite coast? The first things I'd do is go to Pinkberry and In N Out Burger, Hollywood Forever Cemetary (yeah, yeah...I have a weird infatuation with death) and take one of the Death Hag's "Dearly Departed Tours". (If you're not familiar with him, he runs one of my favorite websites, http://www.findadeath.com/ << *warning* website contains stories/info/pics re: deceased celebrities, view at own risk) 11) Go Hunting: Every fall as a kid, the family would head to our camp in Camden so my dad, grandpa, cousins and family friends could all go deer/moose hunting. I have way too many pictures of me with a goofy grin standing next to a gutted deer corpse. I just thought it would be interesting to be the hunter. In reality, I'd probably misread my compass, get lost, fall in a creek and need to get rescued. But hopefully I'd look cute doing it. Do they make high-heeled hunting boots?

12) Take My Kids To England: One of my favorite places to travel was the UK, and I know thyy'd like it, too. I was there a few times and even went there on my honeymoon. Tons to see and do. I'm gonna make this one happen.

Why I Will Never Go To Applebee's Again - aka - The Perils of Dining out With Kids

When you have kids, you are inevitably forced to makes sacrifices. One of these sacrifices is forgoing eating meals out at places that serve "real" food and sticking to places that offer kid's menus and stupid gimmicks to entertain them. One such place is Applebee's. However, in one fell swoop that place has been forever stricken from the list of acceptable restaurants as I am too embarrassed to ever show my face there again. Oh, sure, you may say "just go to a different location", but I am convinced that there is a poster of my family that has been copied and posted at EVERY Applebee's location there is, with a cautionary warning. Here is my story...

Me, hubs & our 2 girls (ages approx 3 and 5 at the time) decided to eat out, and Applebee's was the closest restaurant to where we were. We go in and get seated & order drinks. The kids wanted milkshakes so they both got the strawberry one. Now, any smart mother knows that you NEVER give the kids anything like a drink or dessert with lots of chocolate. Its messy, it stains and they WILL spill it. The 3 year old spilled hers (surprise, surprise) at the exact same time that the 5 year old had to go to the bathroom. Since both kids are girls, hubs lucks out and never has the unenviable task of taking the kids into a public restroom (*gag*). So, I give hubs explicit instructions to order another drink for the kidlet..specifically saying NOT THE OREO ONE. I took the other kidlet to the bathroom and when I came back to the table, guess what I saw? Yup, hubs got her the Oreo shake. WTH?? So there she is, most of it already on her face forming a miniature chocolate Hitler mustache on her upper lip...and somehow on one of her eyebrows (?) but she had the biggest smile on her face. All the patrons at the tables around us were pointing & laughing at her...and I'm guessing hubs, because the look I gave him should have killed him 10 times over.

So the food finally comes and "mini Hitler" ends up getting more on the floor than in her mouth. I mean, it was a mess. The other kid spills her drink...on me, and I just wanted to get the hell out of there. When the waitress came over to ask if we wanted dessert I declined and asked for the check...I could even see them getting the vacuum ready for when we left. No...not that cute, little Bissell rug sweeper thing that restaurants usually use. This was a heavy duty job for the actual vacuum!

So we pay the bill and start to walk out. The 3 year old is acting up and walking too slow for my liking, so I pick her up and start walking out, followed by the other kidlet and hubs. As I'm walking, kidlet accidentally kicks my sandal (a 3" high slide-on shoe) about 3 booths ahead of me! So here I am carrying the other kid, trying to walk fast...but it's more of a uneven hobble, trying to slide my shoe on once I walk up to it, but it was upside down & I was having trouble flipping it over with my foot. I finally manage to get it on and practically run to the exit (of course hubs and my other kidlet walked ahead of me while I was dealing w/the "shoe fiasco" (oh yeah, thanks for the help!?) so they were already waiting for me at the door. As we head out, the silly hostess asks if we want balloons for the kids. I pretty much screamed, "NO!" and ran the hell out the door, never to return again.

I suppose the moral of the story could be, "just eat at home, its not worth the hassle." I just look at it in terms of "one less public place I can ever show my face again." Ah, the joys of parenthood.

I "Might" Have Food Issues...

When it comes to food, my answer is generally..."Yes, please!" And although I don't think I'm a picky eater, I do have a few "rules" in which I live by when it comes to the food that goes into mah belleh.

Rule #1 - Under no circumstances shall my food EVER touch any of the other food on my plate. There is really no exception to this rule. If I could have every single meal for the rest of my life served in compartmental trays/plates...I would. Seeing my plate piled high on Thanksgiving makes me physically ill. If ever my food does touch, all the areas that are touching never get eaten. Shephards Pie would be my "food nemesis".

Rule #2 - No vegetables or beans. Period. There are VERY FEW exceptions to this rule. I will eat broccolini, but not broccoli. And even then I like the stems but not the bushy floret part. *ick* I ADORE potatoes and would eat them every day.

Rule #3 - No sauces/gravies on my food. I would never put gravy on my meat or potatoes. The ONLY sauce I will put up with is on my pasta.

Rule #4 - No condiments. Ever. And when I say condiments, I mean ALL condiments. No ketchup, no mustard, no steak sauce, no BBQ sauce. The ONLY one I will have on occasion is mayo and/or tartar sauce. And only a few times a year.

**Random food "no-no" - I HATE hotdogs except for 1-2 times a year when I crave one and have to have one...but ONLY a red dog. **

I've Seen Some Weird Shit at My Jobs...

I've had a few different jobs in my lifetime thus far. Here's a list of some of my weirdest "on the job" stories. These are all true and really happened...scouts honor! (because quite frankly, I couldn't make some of this shit up!)

My very first job ever while in high school was at a local grocery store. My various jobs there included bagging groceries, working bottle redemption, collecting carts and whatever other disgusting, lame thing they could think up (except cleaning the restrooms...I told them that was NOT in my job description do I got out of it). Here's a few things that happened:

* A fellow employee (a gross old lady with a horrific dyed jet-black afro) was actually caught turning tricks in the parking lot when she was supposed to be collecting grocery carts. She was a prostitute!!
* I saw a customer urinate in the public water fountain! (Ewwww)
* A guy tried to return a bunch of beer bottles that had been sitting around his apartment for a loooong time. I reached in teh bad and took out a Corona bottle that had a mouse in it. It apparently crawled in, couldn't get out & died. (again...ewwww)
* From time to time, people will open a bag of chips and snack on it while shopping and pay for it after. One customer thought it was perfectly ok to do this with a bottle of Jack Daniels. Store security did NOT feel the same way.
* I once caught 2 kids stuffing packages of meat down their pants, as well as shampoo (?!?)
* I bagged the groceries of a very large woman who apparently was having a major snack attack and could not wait to at least get out to the car. She grabbed a container of yogurt from her bag (hey, at least it was a healthy snack), took the cover off and proceeded to stick her index & middle fingers in and use them like a spoon. (double ewwwww)
* I saw parent who were not paying attention to their kid who was standing on his blanket in the carriage. Father goes to grab the blanket and kid tumbles right outta grocery cart onto floor and cracks head open...blood everywhere. Father then yells at kid for falling. When I suggested he let us call 911, he said it was just a scratch. (kid needed stitches fo' sho')

I also worked in a City Clerk's Office, where part of my job was assisting the elderly in nursing homes complete absentee voting. Here's a few gems from those days:

* After reading a ballot question to an elderly woman, she hesitated for the longest time, then looked at me, smiled and said..."I'm naked under my kimona". (she was wearing a housecoat) Not really knowing what to say, but seeing the long line of residents that still needed to vote, I said the first thing that came to mind.. "That's ok, you can still vote".
* Another resident told me she decided not to vote that day because she wanted to go with her father on election day. Now, this woman was in her 90's and her father had looong since been deceased and, I'm pretty sure wasn't gonna show up to vote.
* And I always love the people that tell me, "well, whatever you think dear, you can vote whatever you want on that one." (Uh..sorry...that's not how it works. I can't do that, ma'am.)

And I also worked at a Pharmacy that had a lot of regular customers come in.

* My brothers friends would always come in & try to buy chewing tobacco forgetting that I worked there and knew they weren't old enough. Then they'd get to the counter, see me, then turn around and put it back on the shelf.
* I loved the little kids that would come in, lay a bunch of change on teh counter and ask me "what can I get for this many?". I'd always kick in some of my own money without them realizing so they thought they could afford something awesome!
* There was this husky, manly-man with greasy hands that used to come in about once a month and buy a ton of maxipads -- the "super heavy" kind. I always wondered why. I wanted to ask him so badly.
* I used to answer the phone and say the wrong business name all the time because I had 2 p/t jobs and would go from one to the other sometimes. I would answer and say " can I help you?" and they would say, "oh, I thought I called " and I'd say, "Oh, wait, you did...sorry".

I also worked at a travel company that dealt specifically with European travel (got tons of free trips to Europe...woot!!)

* I once had to call a travel agent to get a new credit card # for a client whose card had declined. His last name was spelled "Penises". Umm, how would YOU pronounce that? So, everytime I called, I pronounced it a different way...any way except "THAT" way. And the travel agent never corrected me.
* I was once in Italy on business and 2 guys from one of our European affiliates were driving me around. When I commented as we passed by a wall of Julius Caesar statues, I said "Look at all those Caesars". They both freaked out and turned to look. Apparently the word Caesar means "breast" in Italian...who knew? (Note: when referring to Caesar as in Julius, its pronounced more like "Chesare")

Things that make me smile...or not.

These are things that make me smile...

All things Twilight * Motley Crue * Caramel frappucinos * Funerals (I have an obsession with death)* the color green * midori sours * tattoos * the smell of woodstoves * pie crust (not the pie) * sour pickles * CHEESE * Horror Movies * BACON * a firm mattress w/fresh, crisp sheets * Halloween * black & white Alfred Hitchcock movies * 80's music * My BlackBerry * dinner for breakfast * frozen Kit Kats * Red Sox *

These are things that make me frown...

*squirrels * birds * chick flicks * country music * El Caminos/Rancheros (I once broke up w/a guy when I found out he owned one) * almost all vegetables especially beans * coffee * breakfast foods * all nuts except peanuts * ketchup (and all condiments, really) * hotdogs (except about once a year when I crave a red hot dog) *

What I Listen To

People ask me all the time what songs and bands I listen to. I've been asked by friends to make them mixed cds of stuff from my mp3 player. Truth is, I have pretty varied musical taste. So I'm gonna just list a bunch of songs that come up on my mp3 player when put on random shuffle.

Human Nature - Michael Jackson
Better man - Pearl Jam
Don't Look Back in Anger - Oasis
18 Wheeler - Pink
Wild Flower - The Cult
Knock Me Down - Red Hot Chili Peppers
Generator - Foo Fighters
Too Fast For Love - Motley Crue
Sister Christian - Night Ranger
No One Knows - Queens of the Stone Age
Volcano Girls - Veruca Salt
Bound For the Floor - Local H
Trouble - Ray Lamontagne
Last of the English Roses - Pete Doherty
1999 - Prince
Bittersweet - Big Head Todd & the Monsters
Tick Tick Boom - The Hives
Last Night - The Strokes
Time is Running Out - Muse
Tomorrow - Silverchair
Time for Heroes - The Libertines
Rock Me - Great White
Help, I'm Alive - Metric
All I Know - Screaming Trees
Teenage Dirtbag - Wheatus
The Saints Are Coming - The Skids
The Way it Is - Tesla
A Thousand Trees - Stereophonics
Pretty in Pink - Psychedelic Furs
Ragoo - Kings of Leon
Laid - James
We Used to Be Friends - The Dandy Warhols
Busted in Baylor County - Shooter Jennings